The Eye of Argon
The Eye of Argon is the single worst piece of fantasy fiction writing ever produced. I’ve honestly never been able to get through more than half of it. It was written in 1970 by a 16-year-old, and it shows. To give you an idea of what we’re dealing with, let’s read the first few paragraphs:
The weather beaten trail wound ahead into the dust racked climes of the baren land which dominates large portions of the Norgolian empire. Age worn hoof prints smothered by the sifting sands of time shone dully against the dust splattered crust of earth. The tireless sun cast its parching rays of incandescense from overhead, half way through its daily revolution. Small rodents scampered about, occupying themselves in the daily accomplishments of their dismal lives. Dust sprayed over three heaving mounts in blinding clouds, while they bore the burdonsome cargoes of their struggling overseers.
“Prepare to embrace your creators in the stygian haunts of hell, barbarian”, gasped the first soldier.
“Only after you have kissed the fleeting stead of death, wretch!” returned Grignr.
A sweeping blade of flashing steel riveted from the massive barbarians hide enameled shield as his rippling right arm thrust forth, sending a steel shod blade to the hilt into the soldiers vital organs. The disemboweled mercenary crumpled from his saddle and sank to the clouded sward, sprinkling the parched dust with crimson droplets of escaping life fluid.
There’s actually a party game wherein people take turns reading the story aloud until they can’t suppress their laughter. There are competitions to see who can read the longest.
“By the surly beard of Mrifk, Grignr kneels to no man!”
Apparently the original printing contained illustrations by the author. A thousand Internets to whoever can find me a copy!
This entry was posted on Thursday, March 12th, 2009 at 10:00 pm and is filed under books, games. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.
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