Archive for the ‘cranks’ Category
We Know You’re Out There, Spiderman
November 22nd, 2009
Abstract
Using absolutely bulletproof science, we demonstrate that 35.3 spidermen are created annually and that hundreds live secretly among us.
Introduction
Prompted by arguments about the possibility of radioactive spidermen living among us, Mr. Harman and I decided to use science to determine how many spidermen (if any) exist on Earth. It’s difficult to extrapolate from the single known instance of a spiderman (hereafter the SKI), but following the example of the Drake equation we’ve developed a predictive formula. Behold the incontrovertible majesty of the Harman-Schwartz equation:
Our equation states that:
N = Pe × fs × fr × fl × fp × fg
where:
Total Population
Note that by using the above formula we’ve only calculated the number of spidermen being generated each year and not the total number of spiderman living on earth at any given time. This can be calculated by the following equation:
Ntot = N(<Ad> – <Ac>)
where:
- Ntot
- is the total number of spidermen living on earth at any given time.
- <Ad>
- is the expected age at which a spiderman dies.
- <Ac>
- is the expected age at which a spiderman is created.
Plugging in the Numbers
- Pe
- The population of the Earth is around 6.67 billion.
- fs
- We estimate that about 1.66 × 10-3% of people are bitten by a spider each year.
- fr
- Between Chernobyl, Hiroshima/Nagasaki, and assorted other tests and accidents, about 2.55% of the land area of the Earth has been irradiated to some degree. We can use this as fr if we assume an evenly distributed spider distribution.
- fl
- The vast majority (about 99.9%) of people survive spider bites, but obviously irradiated spiders are more deadly. Let’s set fl to 50%.
- fp
- Working off the SKI, we’d have to assume that this is 100%. Let’s be conservative, though, and say only a tenth of people bitten by radioactive spiders develop superpowers.
- fg
- We’re totally guessing here and saying that 25% of superpowered radioactive spidermen will dedicate their lives to doing good.
Plugging those figures into the equation, we estimate that on average, 35.3 spidermen are created annually.
- <Ac>
- The median age in the world’s population is 27.5 years, which is what we’re using.
- <Ad>
- This is a controversial term. For the purposes of our study, we’ve made the simplifying assumption that spidermen have an average lifespan equal to the human average (73.1 years). It could be argued for the that spidermen are especially prone to an early violent death, but following the example of the SKI we argue that the rates of violent death and cloning are approximately equal, thereby sidestepping the whole issue.
By plugging these numbers into our final equation, we find that at any given time on Earth, on average there are 1,609 radioactive spidermen living secretly among us. ☐
No Marriage in Texas
November 19th, 2009
A subsection of Texas’ gay marriage ban may have accidentally invalidated every Texan marriage:
“This state or a political subdivision of this state may not create or recognize any legal status identical or similar to marriage.”
oops lol.
The End of the World: a FAQ
November 10th, 2009
NASA has provided a Frequently Asked Questions page re: “The world will end in 2012.”
Conclusion: The world will probably continue existing.
Wilhem Reich
August 11th, 2009
Early in his career, Wilhelm Reich was a respected psychiatrist. He gradually became a crank:
Later in life, he became a controversial figure who was both adored and condemned. He began to violate some of the key taboos of psychoanalysis, using touch during sessions, and treating patients in their underwear to improve their “orgastic potency.” He said he had discovered a primordial cosmic energy, which he said others called God, and which he called “orgone.” He built “orgone energy accumulators” that his patients sat inside to harness the reputed health benefits, leading to newspaper stories about “sex boxes” that cured cancer.
It’s been a while since I’ve written a post about a crank. I love cranks.
The Flat Earth Society
January 29th, 2009
I’m not sure if this site can justifiably be called crankery, since I’m almost certain that everyone in the forum is only there to practice their debating skills.* But I wouldn’t be surprised to find that some of its supposed adherents actually believe it, so I’m including it here.
At least some humans have known with a fair degree of certainly that the Earth was mostly spherical since the 4th century B.C., and it’s probably safe to say that most of us are pretty well convinced. This is not true of the Flat Earth Society, and they have an impressive array of unintuitive arguments to back up their position in the FAQ.
Here ends crank week! Hopefully you’ve enjoyed these delightful nutjobs. If you’d like to learn about more cranks, I recommend the always-entertaining crank.net. I especially endorse their “Crank of the Day” feature. If you’re more interested in the process of identifying and rating cranks, you may find John Baez’s Crackpot Index to be a useful tool. Simply sum up the relevant points to gauge your crank!
* I’m also not entirely convinced that “crankery” is a word.
Reptoids
January 27th, 2009
Beneath our cities there dwells a reptilian menace. In the caverns under the surface of the Earth, the descendants of the dinosaurs lurk in the shadows, awaiting humanity’s moment of weakness.
To learn about the danger facing the Overworld, check out the Reptoid Research Center. The Reptilian Watch can provide you with some images of the threat.
But fear not! We can struggle against the Lizard Men by organizing on the Reptilian Resistance Forum.
Time Cube
January 25th, 2009
This week we’ll be doing a special series on cranks. If you, like myself, have spent a bit too much time on the Internets, you may immediately think of Time Cube. The site is basically full of incoherent ranting; I really don’t know what this guy’s trying to say, but it’s pretty funny.
An excellent parody of his site can be found here.